Friday, July 15, 2005

Ice Age Planning (Humor)

Ice Age Planning Step #1
Surround yourself with PETA members now; they are kind to animals, preferring to consume grains and veggies. When the sudden food shortage arises, PETA members not only taste the best, they obviously make the healthiest choice. They do not harbor growth hormones and drugs found in regular, beef-fed humans and are most certainly free of Mad Cow disease. Cardiologists also claim grain-fed PETA activists have healthier nutritional profiles, including heart-healthful Omega 3 fatty acids. Fortunately, PETA members are organized and very easy to find just about everywhere. You have just solved your hunting and gathering problem!

Ice Age Planning Step #2
Identify any ACLU lawyers in your nearest city now. They are great proponents of public service and well-versed in nuanced distinctions. These "specialists" will be indispensable in one of two ways. Fungi (mushrooms) will become a vital part of your ice-age nutrition pyramid when crop shortages develop. Identification of edible versus toxic look-a-likes should be left to the expertise of ACLU lawyers practiced as they are in nuanced distinctions. Of course, they will need to improve upon these skills by personally sampling fungi before others consume it. Those who possess inadequate nuance skills can be expected to "drop out" of your foraging parties. Those who claim they are not so interested in public service, afterall, or who claim mushroom allergies may be traded to distant tribes for more useful furs or pelts. CAUTION: Never attempt acculturation of ACLU types unwilling to eat mushrooms; their litigious attitude will generate unnecessary strife, divisions and chaos into your caravan for many generations. ACLU lawyers are generally urban dwellers who seek anonymity. Identify them with the help of your state's bar association or prison population. You have just solved your foraging problem!

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